I grew up in an Eastside Des Moines home marked by trauma and abuse. At an early age I had to learn how to survive on my own. Survival meant shutting down my feelings, hiding my pain, and turning to whatever numbed me the quickest. That led me into drugs, crime, toxic relationships, and a lifestyle full of chaos. As the years went by I became harder and angrier. I carried resentment toward the world and especially toward God. I couldn’t understand why He would allow such brokenness in my life. Instead of seeking Him I ran further away.
Even in the middle of my mess God was planting seeds. I didn’t know it then, but He was working when I was in the Polk County Jail. It became like a surrogate family to me at times–disciplining me when I needed it, protecting me from myself, and putting me in “timeouts” that I now see as God’s way of slowing me down. Behind bars felt like punishment, but it was when God whispered and said that He hadn’t given up on me.
It took many years for that seed to take root. I stumbled plenty of times, but God’s hand was steady even when I wasn’t. In August of ’24, everything changed. I walked into a Sober Soldierz meeting in Des Moines and sat quietly as I listened to testimony after testimony. I heard stories of people who had been where I was–broken, addicted, hopeless–and yet they spoke with a freedom, a peace, and a joy that I had never known. As I sat there something shifted inside me. The very thing I had been searching for all my life finally came into focus. The void I had tried to fill with drugs, relationships, and chaos suddenly didn’t feel so empty anymore. I realized that what I had been missing wasn’t a “thing” at all–it was Jesus.
That night I surrendered. I laid down my anger, shame, and addiction at His feet. I turned my life over to Jesus, and for the first time in years I felt free. By God’s grace I have been clean for over 14 months. I am working a good job, have my own home, and my family is back in my life. I’m actively working a 12-step program which keeps me grounded, humble, and connected to the people and principles that keep me moving forward.
Most importantly I now have a real relationship with God. I once hated the world and the God who created it, but now I thank Him daily for saving me. I no longer see jail as wasted time, but as one of the tools God used to change my direction. He took the broken pieces of my past–my trauma, my addiction, my failures–and is now building something new. All the glory belongs to Him! What I couldn’t do on my own He has done in me, and I know He is not done writing my story.